Have you ever been ready to do something in your life, no matter how big or small and you have heard a voice in your head telling you that you are not ready, that you are not good enough, that something about you needs to change, or you wont be accepted.
Maybe you hear that voice everyday when you look in that mirror, or when you are out in public, or it's just once in a while when it's time to make big life decisions.
However that negative voice affects you or how often you hear it, it's part of you, and we could all do with being a little kinder to ourselves!
Where does that voice come from?
That negative self-talk comes from our subconsious which holds our beleif systems.
Throughout out life we form beliefs based on our experiences, however the perception of those experiences is more important than what the experience actually was.
For example one child could be told they are stupid by their teacher in front of their class, they are very upset by the experience and therefore form the belief 'I am stupid', everytime they go to speak up in class after this, or later when they want to speak up at work their subconcious tells them 'Don't speak up you are too stupid and no one wants to listen to what you have to say!'
Another child might have had the same experience but rather than being upset they might think 'That teacher is rubbish, they dont know what they are talking about' and therefore the negative self belief is never formed.
Negative self beliefs tend to be formed in emotive situtations, or when they have been repeated several times over a period of time, for example if someone is told they are stupid by their peers, their parents, and their siblings they will start to beleive it.
How Do I Get My Subconcious To Be Nicer To Me?
Changing your negative self-beliefs can be hard work, but is so worth it! When we let go of those negative thoughts, we can start replacing them with postive ones, imagine how much happier you would be every day if you thought you were worthy of everything you wanted!
Different things will work for different people and depnding on how long you have held onto that negatice self-belief and how much it has been reinforced (how many times you and other people have told you it/you have felt that it is true) it will be more stubborn to shift.
Here are my favorite ways for shifting self talk and self beliefs from negative to positive:
Make note of these thoughts - The first step is to notice these thoughts and really pay attention to where and when they are around, what exactly do they say? Journaling can be a great way to gather them together and start connecting dots. It's up to you if you want to write them down in a fancy leather bound journal with a fountain pen, a peice of paper on the fridge or in the notes section of your phone. Just a simple 'critical thoughts about my appearance when I was getting ready to go out with friends' or 'felt like I was too stupid to speak up in meeting' are perfect.
Dig around to see where they come from - The next step is to work out where those thoughts come from. You can actually start questioning that voice, 'who told you that?' Concentrate on it for a moment and see if anything pops into your mind. Once you know where that belief started it can be easier to start to change it.
Start questioning if you actually do believe that voice - Next time a 'you're not enough' (or whatever your voice says!) pops into your head again do some questioning! Do I really beleive that? My boss/partner/friends/family seem to think I am clever/qualified/beautiful/funny/interesting enough so maybe I can beleive that instead!
Give your 'twin' some advice - It can be really hard to talk nicely/compliment ourselves, it can feel boastful, but is so important! One of the ways to 'soften the blow' while you are learning to be kinder to yourself is to imagine a 'twin' who has had all the experienced all the things you have stepping out of your body and sitting in the chair opposite you. What would you say to them? Would you talk to them as harshly as you talk to yourself?
Tell them to leave you alone - Another way of dealing with those unwanted negative thoughts it to treat them as if you had a person following you around saying all of these horrible things to you! Tell that voice exactly what want to say it, "Leave me alone! I dont deserve for you to tell me those things!" Or with more swearing if that feels more you!
Positive affirmations - These are words we can use to replace those negative thoughts. Kind sayings that can start to shift our perception and our beliefs. You can read my blog with 50 affirmations for mothers, or create your own, the main thing to take away when creating affirmations is that they should be belivable and should feel right for you, so change it round until they feel right
7. Hypnotherapy - Hypnotherapy can be hugely helpful for changing negative self- beliefs, using a combination of positive sugestions and allowing your inner child to feel supported and loved at the time that belief was formed can be really transformational. If you are interested in 1-2-1 hypnotherapy sessions you can book with me online.
If you have any questions about anything I have covered in this blog my inbox is always open!
Hope you have a great week and these tips help you to be a little kinder to yourself this week! Let me know which ones you find helpful!